You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
