last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
