She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize