Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
