just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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