I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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