Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
