Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
