He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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