you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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