apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize