And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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