I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
