I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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