Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
