great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
