I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
