nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
