I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
