I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
