..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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