I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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