i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize