Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
