i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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