You just made me feel so damn special
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My bed smells like the plague
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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