At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
