There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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