Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
