frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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