Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
is wine microwaveable?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
