In the future we'll all be gay
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My liver just had a heart attack.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You've changed since you got that strap on
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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