As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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