i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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