I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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