The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
