Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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