his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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