Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
