fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
