I am midnight drunk by noon
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
