everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
