I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
