Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
