i may or may not be watching the land before time
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wish there were birth control emojis
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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