You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
