Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
