capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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