Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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