I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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