Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.

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(314): View more from Missouri

i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.

(907): View more from Alaska

I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.

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(734): View more from Michigan

He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.

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(407): View more from Florida

I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude

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(802): View more from Vermont

Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE

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