I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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