mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
