i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
