She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
