im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm passing your future prison.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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