the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize