how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My penis needs a shock collar
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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