I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
where am i from again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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