I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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