masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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