im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize