Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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